Devotions

 In many ways people use "devotions" to get their Bible time in and connect with God. But as I sat and read my devotions, I realized I'm not really connecting with God, like really connecting. I'm reading someone else's thoughts about a particular situation, their take on it and a verse that goes along with it. Sure the devotion that day will speak to me but that doesn't help me connect with God. 

In order for me to connect with God, I need to dive deeper into His Word. How do I do that? I need to look at the pages of the devotion and see what words stick out at me. What word or words is God trying to focus my eyes on? Be still and listen. Think. Read it again. Suddenly a word pops out of the pages. Now it's time to dive deeper. So I pull out one of my Bibles. Yes, I said Bibles, as in many. There are different types of Bibles. Some are studying Bibles, these have history and maps and even foot notes to help you understand what is happening during that time period. Some have concordance, this a list of words with every verse in the Bible with that word. So if the word or words, such as, "suffering", "trials", "courage", or  "strength" jump out of the pages of the devotion, then you look up those words up in the concordance to see what God is trying to show you. And what is it He is trying to tell you.

Sometimes diving deeper can take awhile. You may find time has stood still. You may get lost in time. And the next thing you know, it's been an hour maybe two. It's important that you have the time to spend with God. Don't just check off a box on your to-do-list. Don't get me wrong, I have found myself doing that very thing. Check mark. Once you are aware, you can ask God for forgiveness.

That is one of the greatest feelings, knowing that you have been forgiven and that your wrong has been forgotten. That is a whole other topic. Anyways... as the various sayings go... "stop and smell the roses", "stop, look, and listen", be still my friend for God has something amazing to show and tell you.

"Faithfully"

    This morning I woke up with this song in my head as my husband heads out to sea to fish the deep waters and my daughter travels long distance with her boyfriend to uncharted territory for herself personally. This song is all too familiar to me, growing up it was a popular secular love song. But when your eyes and ears are open to hearing the Word of God speak, He will use various tools to reach you. He spoke to me in my dreams last night and this morning with this song- "Faithfully" by Journey.

   

    It starts out, "Highway run, into the midnight sun, wheels go round and round, you're on my mind...".

The first thing that spoke to me was the words- "midnight sun". At midnight it is usually pitch black but in this song, it references the sun during the midnight. God is the sun (son) who is ALWAYS with us, even in the darkest of night.

    Then it goes on to say, "restless hearts, sleep alone tonight, sending ALL MY LOVE along the wire...". God is telling you and me that we should not worry, we should not fear, for He loves us and we are NOT alone.

    "They say that the road ain't no place to start a family, right down the line it's been you and me and love in a music man ain't what it supposed to be, oh girl you stand by me, I'm forever yours....."- God doesn't want us to keep running to the things of this world but to stay focused on where He is taking us. As long as we stand by God, keeping Him close to us, He is FOREVER ours. "FAITHFULLY" ! 

    

    "Circus life, under the big top world.. we all need the clowns to make us smile....". Life right now is definitely a circus, people are all over the place with their thoughts and ideas of how this world is suppose to look and it's the ones who are close to us that keep us sane, make us smile, and take our minds off this craziness and make us laugh.

    "Through space and time, always another show... wondering where I am, lost without you". We definitely can get LOST WITHOUT GOD! "And being apart ain't easy on this love affair, two strangers learn to fall in love again". Being apart from God makes life more difficult. HE LOVES US SO MUCH! and seeks those who are lost in hopes that they will fall in love with Him again. Maybe you never have felt the love of God, He is waiting and wanting to have a relationship with you. It's like the time you were so attracted to someone and had such a desire and interest in them, and yet they didn't even know you existed. Or if they did, you were just a mere thought. GOD DESIRES YOU!

    "I get the joy of rediscovering you, oh girl, you stand by me, I'm forever yours...". "FAITHFULLY" ! It is PURE JOY when discovering God and rediscovering Him if you have fallen away from Him. He is FOREVER OURS! "Faithfully, I'm still yours".  

FAITHFULLY! HE IS WITH US!

Helen Keller said, “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.”

          There are many people who can see but actually walk around with blinders on and have no desire to have vision, vision for what is happening around them, vision for the future as in goals.  Without vision we would not be where we are today in this technological world.  Who would have thought as a little girl watching the cartoon "The Jetsons" we would actually have robot vacuum cleaners or talking refrigerators?  But we do and we wouldn't if it was not for the visionaries.  Without vision life would be boring, mundane, and just lifeless.  We need vision to see beyond, to set goals, to make dreams come true.


www.marveloptics.com 

Poor Me Day

Today is a "Poor Me Day"....

I hate that I have diabetes!!! I am stressed about an exam I have in Anatomy & Physiology II on Monday.  And I hate the fact I can't eat pizza, chips, and cupcakes; well I can but it would only cause my sugars to sky rocket.

Today was 2 birthday parties spread out with a few hours in between so I ate before and after each one but it is not the same.  I would love to enjoy eating what everyone else is eating along with eating with them.  Sure I could but then I am only harming my body.  And yes, everyone else is really not doing their body's any good either.  But they don't care.  It amazes me how people continue to eat the things that are slowly killing their insides.  A heart attack waiting to happen, Type 2 diabetes creeping up, I just don't understand the addiction.  Isn't it mind over matter?  Doesn't your life, your health and well being matter?  Aren't you tired of being tired all the time?  Don't blame the busyness of your life on your tiredness.  It's the foods you eat, the lack of exercise you get.  Don't you get it?

Yes, these are the things that depress me.  I don't want to care!!  I don't want to get it!!  I just want to eat whatever, whenever and as much as I want!!!

30 IN 45 Challenge

It has been a year since I've had true focus on fitness and eating right.  Things were going well the first 4 months and then a negative change began to take shape.  June of 2016 I started working out taking boot camp style classes at H2 Health & Fitness Center just 2 X week for the first month, incorporating some cardio at another gym.  Then in July I bumped up my boot camp classes to 3 X week.  Amazed by the change in just the first month only going 2 times a week, going 3 times a week I could only get better.  And then by the third month I started going 4-5 X week and dropping my other gym membership.  I was able to get enough cardio at H2 Health & Fitness; there were days where we had H.I.I.T. classes and sometimes I would even take 2 H.I.I.T. classes back to back.  October 2016 I went on a missions trip and I was in the last weeks of a fitness challenge at H2.  I brought along resistance bands to try and keep up somewhat of my workouts.  And I was able to eat pretty healthy because of my disease; I was given more low carb meals than they typically eat.  Coming back from the mission trip I had to do my final body analysis and turn in the results.  I was so excited and proud of all that I had accomplished over the last 4 months- gained 3 pounds of muscle and lost 4% body fat.  I continued to check my body composition each month to keep in check and make sure I was improving but somehow things started to shift and I began to put back on body fat.  Yes the holidays came and went but I still ate pretty well because of my disease.  I am very proactive when it comes to my disease.  That is why exercise and eating right is so important to me.  

I have always been active as a kid playing sports and then teaching fitness in my early 20's.  But of course when you get married and have a kid your focus tends to shift a little and exercise can fall short often.  I still ate well for the most part given my family history.  When I discovered I had diabetes my focus shifted back to exercise and eating even better than I was; I did my first 5k in Oct of 2011 and continued to run entering 5k's throughout the years.  October 2016 I ran my first 10k and finished 15 minutes earlier than my goal.  I was pumped and decided to set a goal of running a 1/2 marathon and 1 marathon by the time I was 50 years old.  Being 45 years old at that time, I had plenty of time to meet those goals.  I started running 4-5 times a week and doing boot camp classes, working out 7 days a week not giving my body any time to recover.  Most people would have lost weight doing all that exercise but not me.  My body got thicker including my midsection; my body % fat began to climb back up.  It didn't make sense to me because when you look at runners they are pretty slim.  The only conclusion I could come to was that I was putting my body under so much stress that cortisol was being released at a constant rate and that was causing fat to be stored in my body rather than fat being burned.  I started to back off on the running and just kept up my boot camp classes, pushing myself more and more.  I wanted change so bad and wanted to loose that body fat and get back down to where I was in the earlier part of November 2016.

As the year is quickly passing by us I had reached a year being at H2 and then a new season of life began.  I had stopped working out because we sold our house and had to move quickly; focusing all my attention on getting the house packed up, working out was no longer a priority.  My eating habits started to decline.  I hadn't eaten this bad for over 6 years, I felt depressed and frustrated.  I was determined to get back on track just as soon as we got settled into the new house.  I had set a date to get started and realized there was just too many things happening that month.  So I pushed it further out and setting a date for September 1st.  I began to seek out gyms in the area, H2 was no longer a convenience.  Looking for a gym similar to what I was doing wasn't too difficult but the cost of memberships seemed to be outrageous.  I was considering the YMCA since it was just down the street and has a variety of classes including boot camp.  But then I saw Pure Barre driving down the road.  I had seen them on the East Coast of Florida and in the Tampa area but nothing here before.  I always wondered what it was especially with the word Barre in it.  Ballet classes perhaps???  I looked them up online and found that I could get a FREE WEEK.  The video on Youtube looked pretty easy, after all I had been lifting weights for the past year and this involved very little weight.  It had been 3 months since I really worked out and thought this would be a good way to start- nice and easy.  Boy was I wrong!!!  This was pretty tough!!!  My arms and legs were on fire most of the class.  I didn't really sweat nor did my heart rate ever really get to high so I wasn't sure if this was really for me.  I wasn't really exhausted after class either and was wondering if I was really going to feel something the next morning.  Low and behold I did feel something the next morning.  I wasn't horribly sore but my muscles knew that they got a workout.  Sticking with it for that free week I went as many days as I could giving me the opportunity to receive a discount on my first full month.  I wasn't ready to commit to a full year contract just yet.  After all it was more money a month than I wanted to spend.  I wanted to see what changes if any would occur that first month.  

Noticing a small change in the area that mattered to me the most within just a short time I was really enjoying this new style of working out for me.  I cut back more on dairy and started trying to add more greens back into my daily diet.  My sugars do very well taking these classes and tend stay pretty level.  Typically if I do a lot of high intensity cardio my sugars come crashing down, often I would have to turn my insulin pump off while doing cardio.  If I did moderate to heavy weights my sugars would go skyrocketing up because my liver would spit out sugar for energy.  Not having my sugars crash or spike is another plus to this Barre workout.  After 12 visits on your first month membership you have the opportunity to take advantage of receiving 50% off your first month membership on an annual contract.  That time was quickly approaching and I needed to decide if I was going to commit for a year or go to the YMCA with my husband.  Checking in with him to see when he might be ready to get back in the gym himself, I didn't get the impression it would be any time soon.  I still wasn't 100% positive I wanted to spend that much money a month on a gym membership though.  And I was hoping my husband would want to workout sooner than later.  But who was I kidding, he doesn't like working out first of all and second he is so busy right now with work and then the holidays are right around the corner, I don't see him working out till at least next year.  So I made the decision to join Pure Barre and commit to 1 year.  "Go Big or Go Home" right?  Not to mention that Pure Barre was starting a challenge that I wanted to be a part of and could only do so if I became a member.  Otherwise my membership would have ran out and I would no longer be able to part take in the rest of the challenge. 

The challenge- 30 IN 45, you must go thirty times in forty-five days.  Seems pretty easy but that means you must go at least 5 days a week in order to succeed in reaching your goal.  The only other goals are goals you set for yourself- eating healthier, toning and tightening up, and/or losing weight.  This challenge will take you right up to Thanksgiving.  You definitely don't want to throw away all your hard work during the holidays.  I believe this is a good way to keep you to stay on track; hopefully 😉.  Would you really want to just give up all your hard work, not me!  This challenge
began yesterday, Oct. 9th 2017 and will go till Nov. 22nd 2017.  Yesterday- day 1/ I took Pure Classic- low impact, isometric movements, light weights, total body workout.  Today- day 2/ was Pure Empower- multidirectional, dynamic movements using ankle weights and a plyometric platform to target the entire body while keeping a faster pace.

  

Monday Morning Blues

It is a Monday morning and typically I don't get the Monday morning blues but today is a different story...    

My morning started off with my CGM (continuous glucose monitor) showing a pretty good fasting number until I checked my blood sugar with my One Touch. Sugars were actually a bit higher. So I give myself insulin to bring my blood sugars down; I take my vitamins and get in the shower. I check my CGM when I get out of the shower and my sugars have gone up even more. This is so frustrating! 

This morning I also have to change my infusion site and start with a fresh vial of insulin which will give me an additional amount of insulin when I fill the cannula. Great! This should help bring my sugars down. As I prime the tubing, I am waiting to see the the insulin drip from the needle point. I finally see insulin dripping but have already lost 20 units because of my vision becoming weaker as the years go by. Next I have to insert it now and that isn't exactly peachy. Today sucked! The injection site hurt the worst it has ever hurt! Causing a burning sensation.

My frustration had already begun yesterday after downloading my CGM and pump information onto my PC so I could get a true visual of how my numbers were looking over the past several months.  And they don't look good :( 

I have strived to lower my A1c every 3 months to get it as low as possible. And so far I have been successful at it. But I don't think that will be the case this time. I will know tomorrow after seeing my endocrinologist.

What has changed?

A few things...

• Hormones- all over the place. UP and DOWN causing my emotions to wreak havoc  
• Workouts- more weights and high intensity interval training
• Eating before workouts and blood sugars going up instead of coming down
• More protein intake

Go figure...

The Battle Within

It seems like a daily battle within, one day I am full of joy and thankful for all that I am and have, the next day I am feeling down and not satisfied with who I am or what I have. So why or how do things change overnight?  I believe it is that pre-menopausal journey I am on, my blood work says differently though.  I don't believe it! 

As I continue to seek God's Word, I find myself being convicted of the very things of this world my flesh takes in. The Spirit of the Lord is within me, so why does it struggle to shine bright?

LOVE is the first of the fruits and it is the most important command Jesus gave us. The word love is used so loosely and it seems to be no longer taken seriously. In the eyes of God it is not a feeling rather than an action. It gives freely without expecting anything in return. Love others without feeling they deserve it or not.

The second fruit of the Spirit is JOY. It is not the same as happiness. As I reflect on this, I realize, I struggle with joy. I rely so much on others to make me happy rather the Spirit op the Lord. 

And PEACE, another fruit of the Spirit. How can there be peace when there is so much chaos in this world? God tells us... Do not to be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all your requests to God in prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. Then the peace of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7 Sounds easy, right? But I struggle to complain to God. Does He really want to hear me complain? I have so much, why am I complaining....? 

Because I just want to be LOVED! (God loves me! That should be sufficient.)

So how does pre-menopausal fall into all this? HORMONES! Out of whack, unbalanced, lacking, etc... 

Hormone Fluctuations

From puberty to menopause your hormones are constantly fluctuating and this is a part of the natural life cycle, this gets the body ready for ovulation, and possible pregnancy, if this does not occur then the menstrual cycle begins and the process starts over again.Once a woman gets past 40 years of age hormone levels start to decline, this will eventually lead to menopause at around 50-52 years of age. While hormones are naturally fluctuating, problems start to occur when the fluctuations go out of balance …. this can cause a lot of symptoms in both your body and your mind.

The most common imbalance is an excess of estrogen compared to progesterone which is known as estrogen dominance, this can obviously be caused by the body making too much estrogen or you may have normal estrogen but not enough progesterone. This may cause similar symptoms but the treatment to correct the problem will be different

Signs of estrogen and progesterone imbalance
There are many different signs and symptoms of estrogen dominance and it is important to remember that some of these symptoms can be caused by imbalances with other hormones.
Signs and Symptoms Include:

• weight gain
• fluid retention
• PMS mood changes like anger, irritable and anxiety which can last from a day or so to two weeks
• migraines and headaches
• breast tenderness
• heavy periods, or very light periods if you have low estrogen/ progesterone
• breast lumps and cysts
• infertility
• cramping pains, back pains (something I never had before)

Sometimes women have one or two of these symptoms or you could have them all, and while they are common they are not “normal” and are a sign of imbalance. Some months symptoms are really bad, while other times things are “ok”. Lets look at why your hormones change. http://www.planetnaturopath.com/functional-pathology-testing/what-causes-hormonal-imbalances-in-women

NO COINCIDENCES #MorethanSilver

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold.~Proverbs 3:13-14







I believe there are no coincidences in life.  I believe God has a plan and purpose for all encounters.  If it is something ugly, unjust, unfathomable, unbelieveable, it isn't the works of God but rather our enemy-Satan.  Oh yes, he is real but that is not what I want to share with you. 
God has great plans for all of us.  Are you willing to listen and follow His instruction? Well I sure am glad I did on a morning I wasn't feeling very good.  My body was definitely trying to fight off a cold for days prior to and now I have lost my voice.  So I started texted all my clients to let them know that I wasn't feeling very healthy and didn't have a voice; that it would be up to them if they wanted to come in for their massage.  Believe it or not all my regulars decided to stay away but two chose to come in, my very first appointment was a new client for 30 minutes.  I figured I could do 30 minutes, it isn't that bad.  I wish I had way more than 30 minutes that morning with her.  And it wasn't to do massage.  It was to pour into her all that God had intended for her to hear from the Holy Spirit through my mouth.  
I never expected a new client to start sharing such personal information but it was clear she was angry and hurt.  The minute she started talking about her failed marriage I knew God wanted her to see me that day.
You see, my marriage had been failing for many years and by the grace of God, He saved it!  I was ready to walk away and be done but I couldn't say those "words" just yet.  Something was tugging on my heart and I couldn't quite let go.  So, I moved into the other room, just as many couples do as a start.  Then out the door to my parents house.  But that only lasted a week because it had already been several months that I had been processing all this and looking at myself.  Key word being "MYSELF".  We are so quick to point the finger at the other person.  But we all know that when you point one finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you.  Yes, I had realized where I had failed as a wife according to God's Word.  I put my child first, myself, God, then my husband.  What a shot at my husband's heart.  I made him feel unworthy, disrespected and caused him to withdrawal more than he already does being an introvert.  I took his role- the leader of the house- away from him.  That is not what God intended.  I am suppose to put God first, then my husband.  I am to respect my husband and submit to him out of reverence for Christ.  Submit as in to be his helpmate, putting all my talents, resources, abilities and energy at my husband's disposal.  That's not being his slave or being inferior to him, nor does it mean being passive or not being able to give advise.  God doesn't want us disobeying His Word.  
So what did I share with my new client that day?  I shared, she needed to find out what her husband's love language is and start pouring into him that way.  Stop taking the lead and let him be the head of household.  It isn't too late to get back what you once had, all you have to do, is do it God's way!
"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." ~Proverbs 12:4

Jesus willingly laid down His life for the glory of God. No one took it from Him. ~John 10:17-18, 17:4

Wisdom or Folly?

"Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!" ~Proverbs 9:17

 

 

 

This world offers and entices us on a constant basis. Making us think that our sins can be hidden. But they really aren't because God sees all. The temptations are sweet, hard to resist because they look so good, like candy and cakes. Those things are hard to resist because they taste so good once you put them in your mouth. Being diabetic is much like the same thing. We are not suppose to eat the sweet stuff for our sugars will soar sky high. But the temptation is everywhere. Even in my own home with my family. How is one to resist temptation when you are surrounded by it? That is where wisdom comes in, I choose wisdom. Wisdom from the Bible will keep me grounded. It will teach me the way I should walk. Just as learning about my diabetes will keep me living longer and healthier.

 

 

So how do I apply this to my life? Keep reading the Bible, seeking out God's truth, his guidance. Just as a parent teaches a child. I must pay attention to what I am being told, not what this world or my flesh is telling me, but what God is telling me. Keeping my eyes and ears open to receiving what God has planned for me. Knowing the truth and living it out.

 

 

I will admit that sometimes that is hard to do. Just like avoiding sweets is hard to do. I give into those temptations at times, especially when it is in my face constantly. What I would really like to do is throw out all the junk food in the cupboard but then my family would complain there is nothing to eat. The "good stuff" just doesn't appeal them; it doesn't taste good they say. I tell them if they would just try eating healthier, they would find it would fill them up more. Eating foods with empty nutrition is like feeding a bottomless pit. You will never be satisfied or filled up because there is no substance, no fiber, no value. Much like not reading your Bible. You fulfill your desires with things of this world, you are going to feel empty, unsatisfied, always wanting more but never attaining much of anything. The Bible is "healthy food". It will fill you up, it has substance and value. Some may say, but is it really true? I say, you won't know until you try it. Isn't that true for food? How do you know if it is good for you or not? For me, I know right away. If it is good for me, my sugars maintain at a "good" level. If it is bad for me, my sugars shoot straight up (obviously not good). If we try reading the Bible and follow HIS instruction, we are filled with many blessings- peace, joy, love, abundance. If we choose to not follow HIS instructions we are filled with emptiness, self doubt. Some may say that is not true, my life is great, I have everything I want and desire and I got it without following HIS instruction. I did it all on my own. But are you really, truly happy?

 

"We aren't immortal. We don't last long. Like our dogs, we age and weaken. And die. This is what happens to those who live for the moment , who only look out for themselves: Death herds them like sheep straight to hell; they disappear down the gullet of the grave; They waste away to nothing- nothing left but a marker in a cemetery."

 ~Psalm 49:12-14 (The Message)

 

 

What God has in store for us is far beyond what we can even fathom. Even eating healthy, I think is it really going to pay off? The answer is YES to ALL THE ABOVE.





The Ups and Downs

I am sure many of you have had the opportunity to ride a roller coaster at some point in your life. The question is this...  How many of you enjoyed it? How many of you were scared for your life? How many of you wanted to do it again?

For me and my family, we LOVE roller coasters.  We haven't found one that we really don't like.  All we want to do is ride them over and over again. But there is one roller coaster my family doesn't like, especially me. It is the roller coaster of diabetes.  

For the past month or so, my sugars have been like a roller coaster with LOTS of Ups and Downs.  Just when I think I have figured out what is okay with my body to eat my sugars go up or come crashing down.  There is no rhyme or reason to why this happens.  I can eat the same thing all week long and get different results each day.  I do know this... eating a more vegetarian way and even raw is what my body really wants and does well, with more balanced sugars.  But my brain some days tells me differently.  I crave carbohydrates, the bad kind, especially around that dreaded time of month.  You know, the one you put on a few pounds on in the gut.  You are cranky some days, happy others, sad or just to tired to do anything.

Each color represents a different day.  The thick green bar that goes straight across represents where my sugars should stay throughout the day.  The Ups that I have are above the green bar reaching high into the 200 mark.  The Downs are below the green bar, getting as low as the 40's.  

Because I ride this "Sugar" roller coaster often, I also get to ride the "Emotional" roller coaster of frustration, depression, anger, jealousy, and sometimes resentment.  These are two roller coasters I really don't like.  Frustrated that there is no rhyme or reason to the Ups & Downs.  Depressed, angry and jealous that I can't have what I want (anymore).  Resentful that my family can eat whatever and whenever they want without having to check their sugars every time they want to eat.  On the outside everything looks fine but on the inside there are twists and turns and Ups and Downs.  It is not easy being diabetic.  And it is not easy for my family either. 

On a Journey

 Today is day 2 of the 21 Day Fix. I started Monday with a 3 Day Refresh to jump start things a little.  Did I notice a difference?  Not really.  I am a little sore from my workout yesterday but that is to be expected.  I am having a little bit of a hard time when it comes to the portions.  I am use to counting carbs not calories. Maybe that is why my middle isn't what I want to be. We shall see at the end of 21 days. Will I be transformed mind and body? Stay with me and find out.

Refresh, Reset, Get Fixed!

Some may say I don't need to lose weight, some say I eat better than anyone they know, but I don't agree.  When you are smaller in size than the average 40-45 year olds and your body starts to put on a few pounds, you (as in me) start to notice it and feel it.  My eating habits are okay, they definitely could be better. But compared to the average person, they are pretty good.  Everyone wants the easy way out.  I started with the 21 day Reset Cleanse and to be honest... I was so stressed out doing it because ALL the time spent in the kitchen preparing and cooking.  I had NO TIME for anything else.  It takes A LOT of time cutting and preparing, especially for more than 1 person.  I felt I didn't even have time to connect here on Team BeachBody.  Going through the process I kept thinking to myself, the easy way... how can I make this easier so I don't get off track?  I never really did come up with a plan and little by little I started to fall back into some of my old patterns.  So here it is just about a month has gone by and I have put on what little weight I had lost and a couple more pounds.  I am not a happy person :(  So in just a few days I am going to start the 3 Day Refresh and go right into the 21 day Fix. I have a cruise coming up so I have a little more incentive to push through this.  Because I tell you what... those colored containers... I don't know how they are going to fill me up? 

Eyes Wide Open

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:18

Are your eyes wide open to see what you can't see? Mine are, always.  And what I have seen and heard is my Lord Almighty reaching out to me.  He is telling me come to the well.  Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." - John 4:13-14

For the past 2 weeks this story in the Book of John, chapter 4 has been right in front of me. The first time was on a Tuesday evening at VBS aka Vacation Bible School. I was a floater and was asked to help out with the pre-school group, helping other crew leaders. Then I was asked to help my husband out teaching the Bible story to the preschoolers. And the story that night was John, chapter 4 - Jesus talks with a Samaritan woman. This is a story about a sad woman coming to the well and meets Jesus for the first time. Now I have already met with Jesus several times. No, I am not talking about dying and coming back to life. I am talking about going through trials and tribulations and Jesus carrying me through. The next time this story came up was when I was on my way to pick up my foreign exchange student; I was listening to a Christian radio station that plays music but also has preaching on it. And at that moment the pastor was preaching about the Samaritan woman and Jesus at the well. The third time it came up was when I was starting a book club for the first time- "Women Living Well."  Throughout this book there is one commonality- coming to the well and drinking the water Jesus gives to us.

Now I knew Jesus was trying to tell me something but what? I was already coming to the well and drinking but I was obviously missing something. Chapter 3, How Thirsty Am I was the topic and the focus was God. Do I really know Him and understand Him? He is ...
Our Creator, Everlasting, Does Not Grow Weary or Tired, Gives Strength to the Weary, Increases Power to the Weak. "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." - Isaiah 40:28-29
On this day I asked him to renew my strength, I wanted to walk and not be faint, run and not grow weary, and soar like an eagle. 

It wasn't til the day after my birthday I figured it out. I began to see what God was trying to tell me. He was actually preparing me for my birthday and the things to come that day. It was not a great day and seems as if they never really have been great days for me. As a kid, having birthday parties was difficult because everyone was always away because it was summer and a holiday the very next day, so not many people would show up. As an adult, well I just never really felt special on that day. Sure people wish me happy birthday but the ones I was closes to seem to have forgotten or they didn't put much effort into showing me that they cared. They would just verbally say "Happy Birthday" when I would love to have a received a card expressing their thoughts and feelings. Or taking a load off the daily grind of household chores but that never seems to happen. I am not looking for any pity just showing you what God was trying to show me. Do you see?

I got it! God was trying to keep me strong by keeping me in His Word, not to be weary, showing me He Loves Me! And that is the most important thing, not what others can do for me on my birthday.

Dinning Out

I don't know anyone who doesn't like to eat out.  It frees up everyone in the house from cooking and cleaning.  Plus you get to eat foods that you don't normally eat because it either cost to much to feed the entire family or no one in the house likes some of the foods you do.  So I see this as a win, win for every one.  You would think.  As for me, that is not the case; 9 times out of 10 my body and mind suffer the next morning, my sugars are extremely high.  My body suffers because every time my sugars go over the 200s or higher it is causing damage to my organs, nerves, and blood cells.  My mind suffers because I go into a state of frustration, aggravation, and sadness.  Diabetes is known to cause depression, I can see why.  When the majority of your life you have been able to eat whatever, whenever and now after 40 years you have to check your sugars before putting anything in your mouth plus ask yourself, "can I eat this"? becomes a real bummer.  Every time I go out it becomes a guessing game as to how many carbohydrates I am actually eating.  Sure there are apps to help you but they don't always have what you want to eat listed and that doesn't seem to matter to my body either.  For example, I ate at a Mexican restaurant the other night and gave myself 4.60 units of insulin accounting for 88 carbohydrates.  I had my pump give me 40% right away and the remaining 60% 2 hours later.  I was in a low of blood sugars being at 44 mg/dL  prior to eating my meal, I thought great, this won't be so bad than.  I ate only half of my meal including half of the dessert, good, right?  Wrong!  That didn't seem to make a difference either. 

The reason for giving myself 40% of my insulin right away and then the rest of it (60%) 2 hours later is because some carbohydrates will peak later than 2 hours and my insulin is a fast acting insulin.  Meaning that once the insulin is injected into my body it goes to work right away and that won't help me when it takes awhile for foods to break down into sugars.  I could drop down into hypoglycemic aka low blood sugar level if giving myself ALL the insulin at once.  I already started in a low with this Mexican meal so I definitely don't want to stay in a low.  I hate the way I feel in a low- can't think clearly, body shakes and feels very weak/drained, and I begin to sweat. 

So, it seems as if I did everything right; calculations are to the best of my knowledge not knowing exactly my carbohydrate intake.  I forgot to mention that I have also been experimenting with a drug called Symlin which is to replace the hormone Amylin that my body no longer produces because this hormone is also made in the pancreas.  Amylin helps regulate the rate at which food is digested.  Guess what my sugars where the next morning, 4:47am 243 mg/dL. Some may ask, "is that good or bad"?  The normal range is 70-99 mg/dL, you be the judge. 

Another example of eating out: sugars are 125 mg/dL to start, according to an app I have, I am about to eat a vanilla cone from McDonald's that has 27 carbs for 3.7 oz size.  So I tell my insulin pump that I am going to eat 35 carbs (I do this often because I know that giving me the exact amount of insulin for the exact amount of carbs, especially highly processed carbs doesn't work).  I take my sugars 4 hours later and they are 236 mg/dL.  A normal blood sugar level range is 70-99 mg/dL and should typically peak 40 mg/dL within a 2 hour time range and begin to come back down to a normal range going into the 3rd and 4th hour. 

It is clearly obvious that I shouldn't have any ice cream.  Does that mean I shouldn't go out to eat either?  Enjoying simple things isn't so simple any more :-[.

Asking for Healing

"If you listen carefully to the Lord, your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am Lord, who heals you". Exodus 15:26

Many of us suffer from one disease or another and we often question- "Why Me"?, "Why God"?   Why have you forsaken me?  Why not ask the question- "What is it you want me to do"?  "What are you asking of me"?  

After reading the scripture from Exodus, I thought about those last few words- "for I am Lord, who heals you".   We all want to be healed from our diseases and a friend once told me that our healing may not necessarily be the healing we are looking for, maybe our healing is within a relationship- a family member, a friend, an enemy, or even with God.  When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I didn't get mad at God, I asked what is it you are trying to tell me.  As I listened for the answer, I heard him say... Relax, take time for yourself, you are giving too much of yourself to others.  Help others who are in your situation.  Come back to ME and you shall be healed! 

New Year * New You -Daniel Fast

Starting January 5, 2014 at sundown my family and I will begin our fast, Restoring our Health * Reviving our Body * Renewing our Spirit.  Following Daniel's example from the Book of Daniel hoping to draw closer to God, enriching our bodies with goodness.

Will you embark on that same journey with us?  As a Certified Health Coach, I would like to share with you daily encouragement and guidance to empowering your health, body, & spirit.  If anyone is interested in creating newness in themselves join my 

Facebook group New Year New You- Daniel Fast 

or email me at healthandhealingcenter@gmail.com  

You can also like my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/HealthandHealingCenter 

  Here you will get information on diabetes, health tips, exercise and diet.  Check it out.

With 1 week away, start preparing:

• Ask yourself what you would like to accomplish during this fast, what questions do you seek?  What goals would you like to reach?   
• Begin reading the Book of Daniel from your Bible or www.YouVersion.com
• Eat up all your junk food, meat, eggs and dairy
• Drink up all your milk, soda, tea, coffee, beer, wine & liquor

Because you don't want to be tempted during your fast.

Is that the Good Kind or the Bad Kind?

I hear often from people when I tell them I have diabetes, "is that the good kind or the bad kind?"  Really?  Is there one better than the other?  I don't think so.  Type 1 your pancreas no longer works so you have to be on insulin and Type 2 your body has become insulin resistant.  Both have long term effects: heart attack, stroke, neuropathy, blindness, and dementia to name a few.  It all depends on how well you take care of yourself and manage your sugars as to whether these other health issues come into play sooner or later.

So there really isn't a "Good kind or Bad kind"; they are BOTH BAD in my opinion.  

REWIND

Let me rewind for you, here is my story.....

One day out of the blue I was feeling as if I just couldn't get enough water, like I was completely dehydrated.  I was drinking a  bottle of water every hour; then I became really hungry and just couldn't seem to fill myself up.  I thought it was quite strange but I just figured my hormones were running rampant.  I blew it off thinking it will go away.  How many times do we do that?  Often, we hope it will just work itself out.  After about a week of going through this process my vision went blurry.  Now I know something is really wrong!  My friends were telling me, "you know, you are almost 40, everyone's eye sights starts to go".  I knew that wasn't the case, I know my body.  

I remember my friend having the same symptom of constantly being thirsty and it turned out she was diabetic.  So I began to investigate, good old Google.  I looked up the symptoms for diabetes and sure enough I had ALL the classic symptoms.  I made an appointment with an Internalist, it was scheduled for a Tuesday.  But I ended up going to a walk-in clinic the Friday before because of what had transpired that morning....

My client had an 8:30am appointment and when she arrived she had informed me she was recently diagnosed with diabetes.  I told her I think I have diabetes and have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday.  She offered to check my sugars with her glucose meter and I said sure.  I had my usual on the go breakfast- Coffee w/sugar and milk and 2 toaster strudels with icing on top (boy do I miss those days).  The glucose meter read HIGH.  My client didn't know what that meant because she always got a number.  So I wrote down the company number from the meter so I could call them later to find out what that meant.  On my way to pick up my daughter from school I decided to make that phone call. They told me my sugars were OVER 600 mg/dL and I said, "WHAT"?  The representative informed me that a normal level is 70-99 and I said, "WHAT"?  I couldn't believe it, they were way off the charts.  I was starting to really worry now but didn't want my daughter know, so I picked her up and took her to dance without letting her know anything.  After dropping her off at dance I spoke with a friend who is a nurse and told her the whole story.  She freaked on me, she told me I needed to go get help right away; that if I wait till Tuesday I could end up in a diabetic coma.  Now I am freaked out!  I battled with myself about going that night but I did.  When I walked into the clinic to tell them that I thought I had diabetes, they looked at me as if I had no idea what I was talking about.  I shared with them the whole story of what happened in the morning but I could still see doubt in their eyes.  After doing a pee test and blood test, they said, "You are diabetic".  It had been about 5 hours since I had eaten lunch and my sugars were still almost to the 400's.  I told the staff at the clinic that I had a doctors appointment scheduled for Tuesday.  In the mean time they put me on a couple of time release pills to try and help bring my sugars down.

Over the weekend I spoke to friends who were Type 1 and Type 2 diabetic; I spoke with a couple of nurses as well trying to gather as much information as I needed to overcome this disease.  I saw the internalist on Tuesday, he gave me some new meds and a little more information about the disease and I was on my way.  I had no insurance at the time and I started to really worry because I knew this disease was going to be lifelong and expensive.  I got on my husbands insurance during the enrollment period but was put on probation for 1 year because the diabetes part of it was considered pre-existing.  

Friends kept telling me over and over, I couldn't possibly have diabetes, I was the healthiest person they knew.  I was active and for the most part ate healthy compared to todays standards (breakfast was my junkiest time).  I checked with all my family members as far back as great aunts and uncles and nobody had the disease.  I was diagnosed with Type 2- over 50, overweight,  and there is a family history.  I was 39, 120 lbs at 5' 5" with no family history.  So how could this be?

I got my sugars pretty well under control by diet, exercise and a small dosage of medications (pills).  But friends still insisted I couldn't be diabetic.  I asked the internalist what he thought and he said the medicine seems to be working so I don't really see a need to go to an endocrinologist.  But I wasn't convinced I was diabetic.  In January of 2011 I saw an endocrinologist and he did further blood work indicating I was Type 1 not not Type 2 diabetic.  My body was in the "honeymoon" phase and eventually my pancreas will quit and I will need to go on insulin.  
I took myself off all medicines around March of 2011 and said I was going to heal myself.  I managed to keep my sugars under control with a strict diet and exercise daily.  I tried all kinds of diets to see which one was best for me.  The raw food diet, which consists of fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds and grains (meat, dairy and eggs are not included) seems to have been the best diet for me and my body.  This diet is hard to maintain if you don't have some of the equipment for making some of the foods and it is costly to buy organic healthy foods.  Needless to say, I didn't stay on that diet.  

Come March of 2012 my pancreas finally quit and I was put on  insulin.  The endocrinologist and diabetes educator were surprised at how long I managed without insulin or any other meds for that matter.

"The Dawn Phenomenon"

     Being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at any age is life changing.  As a infant, parents are having to do even more work in taking care of their precious little life, a young child is confused and doesn't understand why they have to be stuck several times a day with a needle, whether it is for checking blood sugar levels or giving insulin.  Being diagnosed as a teenager, well life is just over, they no longer feel normal and definitely feel as if they don't fit in.  As a young adult, life is hard enough learning how to be on your own and now you have to learn a new way of living.  Going into full adulthood, well many of us are stuck in our ways and don't want to change.

     I was diagnosed at age 39 and I loved my carbs.  It definitely has been a life changing experience for me. One of the things I struggle with most is morning highs, not morning lows.  It didn't make sense to me that I could go to bed with a pretty good blood glucose number and wake up so high.  I started researching all the possibilities and discovered it could be this thing called the "Dawn Phenomenon".  I then learned about the continuous glucose monitor and asked my endocrinologist if I could get one so I could see what my sugars were doing during the middle of the night.

DAWN PHENOMENON

• Usually occurs between the hours of 2:00am/3:00am-5:00am/6:00am, some say as late as 8:00am
• Natural body hormones- Growth Hormone, Cortisol, Catecholamines, are released during the early morning times to try and help restore/bring back the body to a more normal state (homeostasis).
• Insulin resistances occurs during this time of hormone output, therefore sugar levels go up.

     This makes sense, so what do you do about it?  First of all, I wanted to know what those hormones do for the body.  Many of us know that cortisol is a stress hormone and so are catecholamines.  Too much stress on our minds puts a lot of stress on our bodies causing an influx of stress hormones within our system. When these hormones are released in the body it also triggers the liver to release glucose, hence your sugars go up.

     At first I was just doing insulin shots and then did some research on the pump (I like to do a lot of research when it comes to this disease).  I read by many that the pump helps with morning highs, so I decided to go on the pump.  It seemed to work real well in the beginning but as time goes on I am being challenged again with highs.  There are a few reasons why this still occurs and I will share those with you in my next blogs and it is not eating too many carbs before bedtime, although, that is definitely a cause for some people.

Hormonally Challenged

     They say at age 40 for a woman everything starts to go down hill, your hormones change, your skin tone changes, and your metabolism changes.  At age 38 I began sliding down that slippery slope.  The first thing I noticed was I began to eat more, especially when I got stressed.  Growing up I never ate when I was stressed, I actually lost weight from being stressed.  My skin tone had already started to change after having my daughter, so that wasn't as noticeable.  Then at the age of 39 I was diagnosed with diabetes.  This was such a shock to me!  It really rocked my world!  How could this be?  I was active and ate pretty well.  It turns out that my own immune system was attacking my pancreas as if it was a foreign object.  This process started because of the chronic stress I placed on myself over the years along with fighting off the "Swine Flu".

     So what does this all mean for me?  As I see it, no more cookies, cakes, ice cream, chocolate, pasta,  and bread.  I am a carboholic; I love carbs!  I can't have what?  Your mind works against you when you are told you "Can't" have something.  When you are told you can't have it, you "Want" it even more.  You begin to "Crave" it all the time.  For a 1.5 years I was extremely good about not eating all those carbs.  I started to exercise just about every day.  I tried so hard to heal myself because I thought this was just a fluke.  I said I was going to fix me!

     March of 2012 my pancreas said I am done; it finally stop working for me all together and I had to go on insulin.  Another blow to my pride.  Hey, but now I "Can" eat carbs again because I have insulin to help those nasty sugars be put to use.  Just as I thought, I started sliding down hill with my eating habits.  I ate extremely well while trying to avoid those bad carbs and not being on insulin.  But now I am eating just okay because I know I have help.