Eyes Wide Open

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:18

Are your eyes wide open to see what you can't see? Mine are, always.  And what I have seen and heard is my Lord Almighty reaching out to me.  He is telling me come to the well.  Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." - John 4:13-14

For the past 2 weeks this story in the Book of John, chapter 4 has been right in front of me. The first time was on a Tuesday evening at VBS aka Vacation Bible School. I was a floater and was asked to help out with the pre-school group, helping other crew leaders. Then I was asked to help my husband out teaching the Bible story to the preschoolers. And the story that night was John, chapter 4 - Jesus talks with a Samaritan woman. This is a story about a sad woman coming to the well and meets Jesus for the first time. Now I have already met with Jesus several times. No, I am not talking about dying and coming back to life. I am talking about going through trials and tribulations and Jesus carrying me through. The next time this story came up was when I was on my way to pick up my foreign exchange student; I was listening to a Christian radio station that plays music but also has preaching on it. And at that moment the pastor was preaching about the Samaritan woman and Jesus at the well. The third time it came up was when I was starting a book club for the first time- "Women Living Well."  Throughout this book there is one commonality- coming to the well and drinking the water Jesus gives to us.

Now I knew Jesus was trying to tell me something but what? I was already coming to the well and drinking but I was obviously missing something. Chapter 3, How Thirsty Am I was the topic and the focus was God. Do I really know Him and understand Him? He is ...
Our Creator, Everlasting, Does Not Grow Weary or Tired, Gives Strength to the Weary, Increases Power to the Weak. "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." - Isaiah 40:28-29
On this day I asked him to renew my strength, I wanted to walk and not be faint, run and not grow weary, and soar like an eagle. 

It wasn't til the day after my birthday I figured it out. I began to see what God was trying to tell me. He was actually preparing me for my birthday and the things to come that day. It was not a great day and seems as if they never really have been great days for me. As a kid, having birthday parties was difficult because everyone was always away because it was summer and a holiday the very next day, so not many people would show up. As an adult, well I just never really felt special on that day. Sure people wish me happy birthday but the ones I was closes to seem to have forgotten or they didn't put much effort into showing me that they cared. They would just verbally say "Happy Birthday" when I would love to have a received a card expressing their thoughts and feelings. Or taking a load off the daily grind of household chores but that never seems to happen. I am not looking for any pity just showing you what God was trying to show me. Do you see?

I got it! God was trying to keep me strong by keeping me in His Word, not to be weary, showing me He Loves Me! And that is the most important thing, not what others can do for me on my birthday.

Dinning Out

I don't know anyone who doesn't like to eat out.  It frees up everyone in the house from cooking and cleaning.  Plus you get to eat foods that you don't normally eat because it either cost to much to feed the entire family or no one in the house likes some of the foods you do.  So I see this as a win, win for every one.  You would think.  As for me, that is not the case; 9 times out of 10 my body and mind suffer the next morning, my sugars are extremely high.  My body suffers because every time my sugars go over the 200s or higher it is causing damage to my organs, nerves, and blood cells.  My mind suffers because I go into a state of frustration, aggravation, and sadness.  Diabetes is known to cause depression, I can see why.  When the majority of your life you have been able to eat whatever, whenever and now after 40 years you have to check your sugars before putting anything in your mouth plus ask yourself, "can I eat this"? becomes a real bummer.  Every time I go out it becomes a guessing game as to how many carbohydrates I am actually eating.  Sure there are apps to help you but they don't always have what you want to eat listed and that doesn't seem to matter to my body either.  For example, I ate at a Mexican restaurant the other night and gave myself 4.60 units of insulin accounting for 88 carbohydrates.  I had my pump give me 40% right away and the remaining 60% 2 hours later.  I was in a low of blood sugars being at 44 mg/dL  prior to eating my meal, I thought great, this won't be so bad than.  I ate only half of my meal including half of the dessert, good, right?  Wrong!  That didn't seem to make a difference either. 

The reason for giving myself 40% of my insulin right away and then the rest of it (60%) 2 hours later is because some carbohydrates will peak later than 2 hours and my insulin is a fast acting insulin.  Meaning that once the insulin is injected into my body it goes to work right away and that won't help me when it takes awhile for foods to break down into sugars.  I could drop down into hypoglycemic aka low blood sugar level if giving myself ALL the insulin at once.  I already started in a low with this Mexican meal so I definitely don't want to stay in a low.  I hate the way I feel in a low- can't think clearly, body shakes and feels very weak/drained, and I begin to sweat. 

So, it seems as if I did everything right; calculations are to the best of my knowledge not knowing exactly my carbohydrate intake.  I forgot to mention that I have also been experimenting with a drug called Symlin which is to replace the hormone Amylin that my body no longer produces because this hormone is also made in the pancreas.  Amylin helps regulate the rate at which food is digested.  Guess what my sugars where the next morning, 4:47am 243 mg/dL. Some may ask, "is that good or bad"?  The normal range is 70-99 mg/dL, you be the judge. 

Another example of eating out: sugars are 125 mg/dL to start, according to an app I have, I am about to eat a vanilla cone from McDonald's that has 27 carbs for 3.7 oz size.  So I tell my insulin pump that I am going to eat 35 carbs (I do this often because I know that giving me the exact amount of insulin for the exact amount of carbs, especially highly processed carbs doesn't work).  I take my sugars 4 hours later and they are 236 mg/dL.  A normal blood sugar level range is 70-99 mg/dL and should typically peak 40 mg/dL within a 2 hour time range and begin to come back down to a normal range going into the 3rd and 4th hour. 

It is clearly obvious that I shouldn't have any ice cream.  Does that mean I shouldn't go out to eat either?  Enjoying simple things isn't so simple any more :-[.

Asking for Healing

"If you listen carefully to the Lord, your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am Lord, who heals you". Exodus 15:26

Many of us suffer from one disease or another and we often question- "Why Me"?, "Why God"?   Why have you forsaken me?  Why not ask the question- "What is it you want me to do"?  "What are you asking of me"?  

After reading the scripture from Exodus, I thought about those last few words- "for I am Lord, who heals you".   We all want to be healed from our diseases and a friend once told me that our healing may not necessarily be the healing we are looking for, maybe our healing is within a relationship- a family member, a friend, an enemy, or even with God.  When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I didn't get mad at God, I asked what is it you are trying to tell me.  As I listened for the answer, I heard him say... Relax, take time for yourself, you are giving too much of yourself to others.  Help others who are in your situation.  Come back to ME and you shall be healed!